


Kiss me now before I leave

by orphan_account



Category: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)
Genre: Crying, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Flirting, Goodbyes, Happy Ending, Hugs, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Injuries, One Shot, Sharing a Bed, The flirting goes over Noir's head, but it's happy at the end, but it's not bad, just Noir and Ham sad to leave each other, kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 11:45:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18010328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ham falls in love with Noir the moment he meets him in the Spidershed. He tries to flirt with him but the detective seems uninterested. Eventually, he realizes he only has one chance left to confess before they may never see each other again.(Or, Ham flirts with Noir but homeboy is kinda dumb and doesn't realize his feelings until the last minute)





	Kiss me now before I leave

**Author's Note:**

> I like one-shots, they're fun

Peter was sitting on top of SP//dr along with Peni, his lap being used as a pillow for the sleeping girl. Where he was, he had no idea. He was just patrolling the city, looking for the next big story until he was sucked into some weird portal and now he was in a dimension where humans are the dominant species on earth, animals can’t talk, and people can’t carry anvils in their pockets. Man, humans are weird. 

Normally, Peter would have already left to find his way back home but his Spider-senses told him to stay put. Wasn’t sure why, but he just knew he had to listen to them. They were always right, after all. 

He heard the elevator from above start to lower, indicating Aunt May, or someone else, just entered the shed. It was Aunt May, but someone else was with her. Peter couldn’t get a good look at the new person since he was facing the completely different direction. Peter wasn’t too sure, but they seemed pretty tall for a human from what he can tell after a day in this new dimension. 

“Thank you very much, May.” The voice was very gravely and deep, so it was probably a guy.  _ Or a masculine enby. _

“Of course, Peter-”  _ Another Peter?  _ “-you can stay for as long as you want. In fact there may be some others you’d like to meet.”

“Others?” The other asked. Peter saw Aunt May look up towards their direction, nodding her head slightly. He carefully moved, making sure not to wake up Peni as he hopped down towards the two. 

The new figure was black and white, literally. He looks like he was pulled right out of a Noir film. He was wearing some sort of heavy coat, a fedora, and mask to cover his entire face. Peter couldn’t see his face but could tell he had a look of confusion. Before either could say anything, both of them tensed, Spider-senses acting immediately.

“You’re-”

“-just like me.” Peter finished off for the other. 

They continued to stare at each other for a few seconds until the taller of the two took off his mask in order to actually get a good look at the pig. Peter instantly felt a tug at his heart as he looked up at the man. He had grey skin with light scars all over, pitch black hair, and silver eyes. For a human, he was extremely handsome. 

The human held out a gloved hand, “The name’s Peter Parker.” 

“My name is Peter Porker.” Peter replied, shaking the other’s hand. 

“Say, where’s Peni?” May asked.

“She’s sleeping on SP//dr. Should I go wake her?” 

“No, let her sleep. I can meet her later anyway.” Human Peter waved his hand. 

“Well, it’s getting late too. I’ll be in the house if you need anything. Good night.” 

The two Peters waved her off before looking directly at each other. It was odd for Peter, seeing a monochrome man. Then again, it was probably odd for him to see a cartoon Pig that can talk. Peter thanked every god there was that his face was hidden behind his mask so Human Peter can’t see his eyes that definitely turned into hearts.  _ Wait- Cartoon logic doesn’t hide his eye shape- _

“What’s wrong with your eyes?”

“NOTHING!” Peter blinked a few time, changing his eyes back to normal. “Uh, so, where you from?” 

“Queens, New York, 1933.” 

“1933? You probably don’t even know about World War II.” Peter mumbled to himself.

“There’s going to be ‘nother world war?” 

“Uh, ANYWAY! We should probably think of nicknames so it doesn’t get confusing.”

“I can call you Porker, since y’know, it’s Porker and not Parker.” Peter shrugged.

“Oh, you can call me Ham or something like that! Since I’m the Spectacular Spider-Ham in my universe!” Ham emphasized with Jazz hands.

“In my world, I’m The Spider-Man, the rogue vigilante.” 

“Well, good to know I’m partnered with The Spider-Man! Hopefully we can work together to get home!” Ham’s smile was visible, even through the mask he wore. 

“I look forward to it.” Peter’s grin nearly gave Ham a heart attack. 

  
  
  


“So they’re called ‘colors’?” Peter looked up at the pig laying on his shoulder. Ham didn’t have his mask on at the moment, feeling comfortable enough without it.

“Yup! And they can be mixed together to make even more colors. Like red and blue can make purple and, depending on how much blue or red is mixed in, they make different shades of purple!” Ham explained. 

“I see.” Noir looked back down at the rainbow pin in his hand. “What color are you?”

“My skin is pink! I got a little bit of brown freckles right here,” Ham pointed at cheeks, “but I’m overall pink.” 

“Pink,” Peter repeated, “it’s a nice color. Though, I’m particularly fond of yellow. It’s a beautiful color.” he announced, pointing at the purple part of the pin.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” Ham winked, booping Noir’s cheek with his finger.

“Thanks, but I prefer colors to black and white, personally.” Peter shrugged, completely oblivious to the attempt at flirting. Ham tried, and failed, to hide a sigh of disappointment but continued to explain colors to his new friend.

  
  
  


Ham woke up with Peter’s arms wrapped around him, holding him close as he slept on the makeshift web hammock. He wasn’t exactly sure how they ended up this was but he was definitely not complaining. All he knew was that they continued talking for about four hours until Ham started to pass out and Peter picked him up to carry him to bed. He must’ve fell asleep in his arms since he didn’t remember anything past that.

Peter shifted in his sleep, pulling Ham in much closer than before. Ham literally melted into the embrace before nuzzling into the crook of Peter’s neck. They stayed like that for nearly twenty minutes until Ham felt Peter starting to wake up. 

“Mornin’, Sleeping Beauty.” Ham mumbles, still drowsy.

“Morning, Porker.” Peter yawns, sitting up in the hammock. 

“Guessing you slept pretty good, huh, Handsome?”  _ Wait, was the ‘handsome’ too much? _

“Honestly? Best sleep I’ve gotten in years. Been busy with the whole ‘fucking up nazis and being a Private Eye’ thing that I’ve got going on.” Peter kept Ham in his arms as he hopped off the hammock, placing him back down on the floor.

“You’re a very good cuddler, you know that?” 

“Well, that’s good to know. I don’t usually hug others.” 

“You can hug me anytime, Handsome.” Ham smirked up at him. 

“I’ll keep that in mind. Say, you and May mentioned someone named ‘Peni’. Who is she?”

Ham groaned internally before replying, “She’s another Spider, just like us. Guess it’s time you two meet.”

  
  
  


Peter, or ‘Noir’ as they now called him due to the arrival of a completely new Peter Parker, layed on the sofa, staring at the object in his hand with pure confusion. 

“What’s up, handsome?” Ham asked, popping out of nowhere and leaning over Noir’s shoulder. He was a little sad he had decided to keep his mask on but kept it to himself.

“What is this object?” Noir tilted his head back enough to be able to see Ham’s face, holding the cube closer to him.

“Oh, that’s a Rubik’s Cube! It’s a little puzzle.” 

“How does it work?”

“Well, basically, you have to get all of the sides to be the same color. Like all the blues on one side, all the whites on one side, and so on.” Ham explained, grabbing the cube out of Noir’s hands and fiddled with it, somehow solving it without having to even look at it. “See?” He grinned, handing it back to the detective. 

“Snazzy.”

“Do you wanna try?”

“Yes.” Noir answered immediately. Ham quickly messed with the Rubik’s cube, handing it back to Noir so he could solve it. Noir is immediately perplexed by the cube in his hand. Ham notices this after a few moments of Noir staring blankly at the cube.

“Here…” Ham leaned forward, totally not pressing his cheek against Noir’s on purpose, as he placed his put his hands over Noir’s and guided him through the puzzle. Halfway through, Noir began to catch on and started to solve it by himself. Ham slowly removed his hands, ending up wrapping his arms around Noir’s neck as he watched him. In the end, Noir managed to solve one side, white.

“At least I got one side, right?” Noir sighed, clearly disappointed.

“You did great! Even one side can be difficult, not to mention you’ve never seen a Rubik’s Cube before so you did really good.”

Noir chuckled (god, did Ham worship that chuckle), “Well, that’s very good to know. Maybe I’ll be able to finish it one day.” 

“You will, you’re absolutely amazing.” 

  
  
  


Ham stood in front of the mirror in Aunt May’s bathroom, his mask rolled up to the top of his head to reveal a bruised cheek and a cut on the other, given to him as he was fighting Scorpion. The villains here hit much harder than the ones in his dimension but he was glad they didn’t cause any serious injuries. He gently pressed his hand against his cheek, wincing at the pain.

“Porker?” Ham nearly slipped and fell in the sink when Noir walked into the room.

“Uh, yeah?” 

“What’s that? It’s a different color from your skin.” Noir pointed at Ham’s cheek as he walked closer to him. 

“Oh, this ol’ thing? Just a bruise, nothing to worry abo-”

“You’re bleeding.” Noir held Ham’s other cheek, careful not to touch the open wound.

“Eh, it’ll be fine. Just a flesh wound.” Ham stood to leave, only to be gently pushed back down by Noir. 

“Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t treat it.” Noir said, reaching into the medicine cabinet. Ham sat quietly as Noir cleaned the wound, pressing a bandaid against it once it stopped bleeding. 

“Think it’ll leave a scar?” Ham asked once he was done.

“Most likely. It was pretty deep but not dangerously so. At least your face isn’t covered in scars like mine.” The detective sighed. 

“Hey, it’s not that bad-”

“Can’t walk outside without getting looks from others. They’re pretty hideous.”

“No they’re not.” Ham pressed the palm of his hand against Noir’s cheek. “You’re stunning, with or without the scars.” No, Ham did not internally scream when he felt Noir lean into his touch.

“You’re too kind.” Noir mumbled quietly.

“I only speak the truth, handsome.” Ham squealed in surprise when Noir picked him up suddenly and hugged him.  _ He’ll be the death of me and I won’t even be mad. _

“Thank you, Peter.” 

  
  
  


Ham’s heart stopped when he heard Noir crying out as he glitched painfully.

“Peter!?” The pig quickly knocked the guard he was fighting unconscious before he swung over to the kneeling detective. “Are you ok?” 

Noir took a few seconds to recover, standing with slight difficulty as he turned to the Toon, “Y-yeah, I’m fine. Just shook me up a lil’, I’ll be oka-” Noir was cut off by Ham, who leapt up and hugged him.

“I’m glad you’re alright.” 

“I… thanks.” Noir wasn’t completely sure on how to feel. He loved Ham’s hugs, probably more than he should, but he wasn’t used to these kinds of situations.  _ This must be how it feels like to have friends, right?  _ But it wasn’t. He felt platonic, familial love for all the other Spiders but it wasn’t exactly the same thing he felt for Ham. It was different, but he couldn’t tell why.

“...Peter, I have something to tell you.” Ham’s voice was quiet but Noir could hear the sadness behind it. Ham leaned back to look at Noir face to face.

“What is it?” 

“I-” Both of them froze when they heard the sound of a screen being shattered.  _ Peni. _

  
  
  


Noir felt pain in his heart when he saw Miles insert the goober into the control panel of the Collider. He shouldn’t feel sad. He was finally going home. He should be happy that he’ll see Aunt May again. Then why did he feel like crying?

Noir carried both Ham and Peni to the others, sticking to the wall right next to the panel. 

“This is it.”

“Well, nice to know we’re not alone, right?”

“Heh, yeah.” 

“I got the portal open, you first, Peni.”

“Thank you, Miles… from both of us.” And with that, Peni hopped through the portal. 

“I, uh… love you guys.” Noir pulled out the Rubik’s cube from his pocket, “I’m taking this cube thing with me I don’t understand it, but I will.” He was just about to jump through until he felt Ham tug on his collar. Even through his mask, the pig looked like he was close to tears. “Yes, Peter?” 

Ham hesitantly wrapped his arms Noir’s neck, resting his head on his shoulder. The pig’s tail wagged when Noir reciprocated right away. 

“I’m in love with you, Peter.” He heard Ham whisper. Noir barely had time to process his sentence before he felt the pig push him, sending straight into the portal below. 

He didn’t even get a chance to say it back.

  
  
  


Peter sat on his sofa, feeling the pain in his chest worsen the more he thought about what Ham had said. Ham loved him, he really loved him. But now it was too late for Peter to do anything. He’ll never see him again.

Peter slipped off his mask, haphazardly throwing it somewhere behind him. He knew he’ll be upset trying to find it later, but he didn’t care at the moment. Peter felt like the stupidest person in the world.  _ Because you are.  _ How had he not noticed sooner? Every hug, all the time they spent together, each flirty comment should have made it obvious, but he never even noticed. 

  
  
  


About two days passed by and Peter didn’t feel any better about what had happened.  _ It’s your fault. _

He slipped into his bedroom window quietly, making sure he wasn’t spotted. He closed the curtains behind him and had barely removed his mask when he heard something from somewhere in the apartment.  _ Sounded like it came from the living room. _

Peter crept down the hall, keeping his hand on his holster. He peeked around the color and spotted something he definitely didn’t expect to see. 

Color.

“Porker?” Said pig literally jumped out of his skin, nearly falling off the sofa. 

“P-Peter!” Ham stood up straight, like he was trying to seem taller. “I, uh, didn’t expect to-” Ham never got to finish his sentence due to Noir scooping him up and pressing his lips against the other’s. 

Noir felt relieved when he felt Ham start kissing back, seeing the pig’s tail curl into a heart. He was almost sad when the broke away, needing a few seconds to catch their breath. They stayed there for what felt like forever, pressing their foreheads together. Noir was the first to speak.

“I love you too, Peter.”

“Sorry I took so long to get here.”

“Sorry I took so long to tell you how I felt.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed, I had fun writing this  
> I totally didn't write this while listening to the Soundtrack (with the movie's score) or anything ahahahahaha *sweats*


End file.
